I was chatting with my dear friend this week about some lessons God has perhaps been trying to teach me. As I rambled on, she asked if I had ever bothered to right these things down, suggesting that perhaps one day I would want to put them in a book. I mockingly laughed at her suggestion, saying "and what would I call that 'Theology by the Housewife"?. It wasn't until a couple of days later that God laid a scripture on my heart...
And they have conquered him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony, for they loved not their lives even unto death. Rev 12:11
And so I was convicted.
Now, I think it is important to note, that I often avoid blogging because I can't help but think...what could I possibly have to say that isn't said better on 20 other sites?...or why would this interest anyone else? And while those questions still ring true, I want to say that from now on, I intend to view this blog differently. I'm going to use this blog as way to voice my testimony. I think that is what I was always doing, I just wasn't viewing it that way. I was worried more about the reader than recognizing the One who gives me the words. So, yes, I'm going to use it as a way of recording our family happenings, but also as a way of chronicling the truth God is revealing to my heart. So if you can get something out of it, great. But most of all, my desire is that He be glorified. That I hold fast to what He is teaching me and look back on His faithfulness in the valleys and the mountaintops! "It was by the word of their testimony...".
My God is more than enough for me. When life is calm and the leaves fall beautifully from the trees around my adorable playing children...God is enough.
When the storm rages. He is enough.
When the enemy prowls seeking whom he may devour. He is enough.
When I am at the end of me. He is enough.
When our path seem uncertain, the future unclear. He is enough.
When it seems as though our hopes for the future, our dreams, are being stripped from us. He is enough.
When uncertainty clouds regarding our physical health and/or the physical health of our spouse or children. He is enough.
I am reminded, that all I need is him. To rest in Him. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the LORD your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. Isaiah 43:2,3
Behold, I am doing a new thing: now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:19
God spoke to my mother's heart in a profound way this morning. From time to time, even after 2 years of being showered with unconditional love, my precious 4 year old son (who happens to be adopted) will have moments of meltdown and uncertainty that to me are less about his 4-yr-oldness and more about his insecurity. His insecurity as to whether he "really belongs", as to whether he is accepted unconditionally, as to whether his being "different" means we love or accept him less. Now sometimes, it is these very words that come out of his mouth. Other times, his insecurity is demonstrated in other ways,. such as in the punch that lands on the face of his "friend" who just "laughed at him" on the playground. As a parent, it breaks my heart. I would do anything to wipe away his insecurity. He need not fear or worry. We will always be here for him and always accept him. How can I make him understand?
Perhaps, for starters....I should learn this lesson myself. Am I not so different from my precious son? After all, how the Father does lavish His love on me, his adopted child, and yet I fall back into patterns of insecurity that come out in so many unflattering ways. I think if I could try harder, do more, just handle this myself.... I fail to just rest in his love. I fail to find my security in Him alone. He does not love me for how well I perform or for how well "I've got it all together". He simply and profoundly just loves me!
So even when I doubt His ways,...He loves me and He is enough. Even when, I can't fix it....He loves me and He is enough.
Even when, I fail.....He loves me and He is enough.
Even when the dirty diaper ends up in the laundry and the laundry in the trash....He loves me and He is enough.
Even when I forget that He loves me and He is enough.....He loves me and He is enough!
